How To Have An Adultery Free Marriage!

By Bishop Elijah H. Hankerson III, BA, MA, DD

(Unless otherwise stated, all Scriptural quotations are from the New International Version).[1]

Greeting:

Psalm 134:1-2 ¹…Behold, bless ye the LORD, all ye servants of the LORD, which by night stand in the house of the LORD.

 ²Lift up your hands in the sanctuary, and bless the LORD.

I.                  TODAY IS TUESDAY JANUARY 15, 2019. Thank you for tuning in! Today’s program is dedicated to the memory of the late Bishop Carlis Moody, Sr., who served for 40 years as the president and father of COGIC World Missions. Also, please do not forget the announcements that are before us:

A.               ST LOUIS METROPOLITAN CLERGY COALITION. This Thursday, January 17, 2019 at 11 AM at New Northside Conference Center; I will be giving the State of the Coalition address. Please join us at 5939 Goodfellow Blvd, Saint Louis, MO 63147

B.               INTERNATIONAL DEPARTMENT OF EVANGELISM This Sunday night, January 20, 2019 at 5:30 PM will be in pre-Leadership Conference service at Prayer Tower COGIC, 8708 Willow St, New Orleans, LA. Also, Wednesday, January 23, 2019 at 3PM will be our departmental meeting at the Hyatt Hotel, 4th Floor, Imperial Room 11. Our Presiding Bishop will be preaching that night. Let us all support.

C.               LIFE CENTER. We will celebrate our 20th Anniversary, Sunday, January 27, 2019 at 4:00 PM. Bishop Lemuel Thuston, Chairman of the General Assembly of the COGIC will be our speaker. Why don’t you offer congrats in the comment section and give us some hearts for 20 years!

D.               MISSOURI MIDWEST. Our Leadership Conference (aka Workers Meeting) is February 1-2 at Life Center. Our guest speaker is Bishop Linwood Dillard, Chairman of the COGIC International AIM Convention ! He will preach like crazy on Friday and do a workshop on Saturday teaching you how to market and brand your ministry; as well as sharing principles for church growth.

E.               INTERACTION. If you have not already, go ahead and hit that follow button on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Periscope! Also be sure to hit subscribe on Youtube! And, while you are at it, please share this video right now with everyone! We want to help as many as possible! This message is going to be a blessing to the multitudes! Let’s pray...

PRAYER

II.               PURPOSE OF THIS LESSON. Your average person knows that adultery is wrong. Christians know it is wrong because the Bible says so. Even the unbelieving have a conscience and know there is something not right about being unfaithful in a marriage. However, this lesson will not simply focus on how adultery is a sin; but it will offer solutions on HOW A PERSON CAN HAVE AN ADULTERY FREE MARRIAGE. Even, if you have previously sinned; allow this to be a new day. If you have allowed sexual sin (adultery, homosexuality, whoredom, etc.) to enter into your home; today that vile spirit is cast out IN JESUS NAME! The purpose of this lesson is to provide information and inspiration from the Word that will bring transformation.

III.           WHAT IS ADULTERY?[2] Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse. And according to the stats; there is a lot of adultery going on among Christians, saints, believers, preachers or whatever the faith is known as. We want to break that today.

A.               According to the Bible adultery is a sin.

Exodus 20:14 ¹⁴"You shall not commit adultery.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 ⁹Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men ¹⁰nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

Hebrews 13:4 God's Word Translation.[3] Marriage is honorable in every way, so husbands and wives should be faithful to each other. God will judge those who commit sexual sins, especially those who commit adultery.

B.               According to Jesus, adultery starts in the heart and not in the bedroom.

Matthew 5:27-28 ²⁷"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' ²⁸But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Mark 7:21-23 ²¹For it is from within, out of a person's heart, that evil thoughts come-sexual immorality, theft, murder, ²²adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. ²³All these evils come from inside and defile a person."

I.                  Lust defined.[4] Very strong sexual desire, sexual desire, sexual appetite, sexual longing, sexual passion.

IV.           PEOPLE CANNOT USE THE OLD TESTAMENT AS A RESULT TO COMMIT ADULTERY OR OTHER SEXUAL SINS. Biblical characters had a lot of sex. But, the Bible does not just show us what to do; but what not to do. The sexual practices of the Old Testament patricarchs is not something that we are to follow or pattern ourselves after today. Please note that these people were NEVER CONDEMNED for what they did. It was a different time and a different culture. Culture is not spiritual. The culture of that time; would be considered very abusive today. The sexual practices CANNOT be followed by Christians today:

A.               There was no condemnation mentioned against Abraham (Abram) having sex with his wife’s slave.

Genesis 16:3-4 International Standard Version[5]. So Abram's wife Sarai took her Egyptian servant, Hagar, and gave her as a wife to her husband Abram. This took place ten years after Abram had settled in the land of Canaan. He had sex with Hagar, and she became pregnant. When she realized that she was pregnant, she looked with contempt on her mistress.

B.               There was no condemnation mentioned against Judah having sex with his daughter in law; who he thought was a prostitute.

Genesis 38:16 (International Standard Version).[6] So on the way, he turned aside, approached her, and said, "Come on! Let's have some sex!" But he didn't realize that he was talking to his own daughter-in-law. "What will you give me," she asked, "in order to have sex with me?"

C.               There was no condemnation mentioned against Lot for getting drunk and having sex with his daughters.

Genesis 19:33-36 ³³That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and slept with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up. ³⁴The next day the older daughter said to the younger, "Last night I slept with my father. Let's get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father." ³⁵So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up. ³⁶So both of Lot's daughters became pregnant by their father.

D.               There was no condemnation mentioned against David for the actual ACT having sex outside of his marriage. God even said He would have given David more (including wives) if he asked for it. But, He was condemned for TAKING another man’s wife and having the man killed.   

2 Samuel 12:7-9 ⁷Then Nathan said to David, "You are the man! This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: 'I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. ⁸I gave your master's house to you, and your master's wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. ⁹Why did you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites.

V.               GOD DOES NOT ALLOW MULTIPLE WIVES OR HUSBANDS IN THE NEW TESTAMENT. It is clearly stated that marriage is to be between one male husband and one female wife.

A.               THIS WAS GOD’S ORIGINAL PLAN. One man and one woman for life. A man is to leave his father and mother and through sexual intercourse the man and woman become united as one family.

1.                 GENESIS SAID IT. The Scriptures say noting of Adam having any other wife but Eve. It does not speak of him having sex with anyone else besides Eve. This is God’s original plan for marriage.

Genesis 2:24 ²⁴That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

2.                 JESUS SAID IT. He reemphasized what God had established.

Matthew 19:4-5 ⁴"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' ⁵and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'?

B.               PAUL EMPHASIZED IT. You cannot have sex with someone else’s spouse. Apparently there was a lot of sex outside of marraige going on among the members of the Church at Corinth. Note the wording of the text:

1 Corinthians 7:2 ²But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.

1.                 If you are married; you have no business flirting with someone who is not your spouse.

a.                 Flirting defined.[7] To behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.

2.                    If you are single; you have no business flirting with a married person.

Proverbs 5:3 ³For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil;

Proverbs 2:16 ¹⁶Wisdom will save you also from the adulterous woman, from the wayward woman with her seductive words,

a.                 Seduction defined.[8] To entice someone into sexual activity.

VI.           HERE IS HOW TO HAVE AN ADULTERY FREE MARRIAGE:

1.                 Get sexual satisfaction from within your marriage.

Proverbs 5:15 ¹⁵Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.

Proverbs 5:15 Contemporary English Version.[9] You should be faithful to your wife, just as you take water from your own well.

2.                 Realize that there is nothing wrong with sexual satisfaction within a marriage. While some things are off limited (like bringing other people into the bedroom); sexual activity is healthy and encouraged in a marriage

Hebrews 13:4 Amplified Bible (AMP). ⁴ Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value], and the marriage bed undefiled [by immorality or by any sexual sin]; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

3.                 Do not be so super spiritual; that you fail to realize that sex is also commanded in the Scriptures for the married. Do not use sex to control or punish each other. Even if you have a spat; do not stop having sex with each other.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 New Living Translation (NLT).[10]

³ The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. ⁴ The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

⁵ Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

4.                 Be careful with spending unusual amounts of time with individuals (in this day and time: male and female) who are not your spouse. Do not stay away from home so much.

Proverbs 5:18 ¹⁸May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

5.                 Be careful commenting on how other people are dressed or about their shape or  body parts. It’s best not to do it at all. The person can take it completely wrong.

Ecclesiastes 5:2 ²Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.

6.                 Keep all communication with people of the opposite sex (and in this day and time the same sex) professional and courteous. You should never get personal prying into the person’s private life or sharing your own.

Ephesians 5:15 ¹⁵Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise,

7.                 As much as possible never share negative information about your spouse. (Obviously it is different if someone is abusing you). But you should never tell others about your sex life or how you are either dissatisfied or ARE satisfied. That is NONE of their business. There is always someone in the wind; MALICIOUSLY waiting to do what you will not do. Do not give them opportunity. Guard your marriage. Everyone is not your friend. There are way too many cases of best friends walking off with spouses.

Psalm 41:9 ⁹Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me.

8.                 If you are married; why are you never with your spouse. What David did was WRONG (and Bathsheba had no business bathing in public; in sight of where the king could see her). But, why was Uriah so disconnected from his wife? Uriah was committed to his mission; which was commendable. But, was he overly committed to the point that he could not see what was trying to destroy both himself and his home? Was he so neglectful of Bathsheba; that the enemy got into her and she said, "If I can’t get attention at home, I’ll get it somewhere else.“

2 Samuel 11:6-11 ⁶So David sent this word to Joab: "Send me Uriah the Hittite." And Joab sent him to David. ⁷When Uriah came to him, David asked him how Joab was, how the soldiers were and how the war was going. ⁸Then David said to Uriah, "Go down to your house and wash your feet." So Uriah left the palace, and a gift from the king was sent after him. ⁹But Uriah slept at the entrance to the palace with all his master's servants and did not go down to his house. ¹⁰David was told, "Uriah did not go home." So he asked Uriah, "Haven't you just come from a military campaign? Why didn't you go home?" ¹¹Uriah said to David, "The ark and Israel and Judah are staying in tents, and my commander Joab and my LORD's men are camped in the open country. How could I go to my house to eat and drink and make love to my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!"

9.                 If you are married, why are you always with single people? Friends are going to think that you have forsaken them; that is all a part of evolving friendships and relationships. But, your commitment is to be to your spouse.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 ⁹Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun-all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.

10.            Do not focus on the body parts of people other than your spouse. People have different things they like: thighs, feet, backside, etc. Ask God to help you to keep your focus on your spouse. He will do it if you ask him.

Psalm 101:3 ³I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it.

11.            Do not be so focused on church, that you neglect your home (this also goes for a spouse that is saved and their spouse is not). You don’t want to put all your energy in the church and neglect your home.

1 Corinthians 15:46 ⁴⁶The spiritual did not come first, but the natural, and after that the spiritual.

12.            If you travel; do not be gone all the time. Your first responsibility is at home; not making a name for yourself. Do not stay on the road weeks at a time. When possible, take your spouse along with you.

Proverbs 7:18-20 ¹⁸Come, let's drink deeply of love till morning; let's enjoy ourselves with love! ¹⁹My husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey. ²⁰He took his purse filled with money and will not be home till full moon."

13.            Wear your wedding band. There is nothing in the Bible about a wedding ring. It was not known in Bible times. As a matter of fact, it is believed that the custom was started in Europe. But, wisdom is found in the Bible. And, it is wisdom to give people are sign that you are married.

Ephesians 5:15 ¹⁵Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise,

14.            Mention your spouse. If you never say anything about your spouse; people are going to wonder if you are married or not. This will also lead to seducers attempting to get your attention. The Bible says we ought to say so, so you should say something if you are married.

Ephesians 5:25 ²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

15.            Everyone's sex drive is different. If you have a strong sex drive, ask God to help you and your wife to be compatible in that area. Do not satisfy your sexual needs by going outside of the marriage.

Matthew 7:7-8 ⁷"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

16.            If you have a lust spirit or a sexual addiction; ask God to deliver you and ask your spouse to help you to be accountable. Your spouse should be your best friend. Marriage will not eradicate a lust spirit. It takes God to do that. A person with a lust spirit will do ungodly things married or not. Ask God specifically to deliver you. NOT to take a normal sex drive from you; but deliver you from a lust spirit. Be open and honest with each other. If your spouse comes to you for help; do not fight them, do not cuss them out, hear them out. They have come to you for help. Pray for them. Get counselling if necessary. Call out those sexual addictions and spirits by name. Renounce them in the NAME OF JESUS.

Isaiah 61:1 ¹The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,

17.            If you were sexually active prior to marriage or if you have been unfaithful; break all ties with those past "flings.“ Why are those numbers yet in your phone? Erase them. Why do you yet have those pictures? Delete them. Etc.

Isaiah 43:18 ¹⁸"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.

18.            Set boundaries for yourself and never allow people to cross them. If someone who is not your spouse sends you erotic photos, tells you a dirty joke, etc., they are trying you. There is a very nice way to set people straight. If they do not get hint; you may have to harshly draw the line. People are not quick to keep trying someone who has stated what they will not put up with.

Deuteronomy 19:14 ¹⁴Do not move your neighbor's boundary stone set up by your predecessors in the inheritance you receive in the land the LORD your God is giving you to possess.

19.            Seek God for direction if you are in an employment situation where you are being sexually harassed. Perhaps you and your spouse are in a terrible financial situation. You have to work. You cannot afford to lose your job. Perhaps your superior is sexually harassing you. You want to report it. But, you are afraid to lose your job and get a demerit on your resume. God will not allow you to be tested above what you are able. Hold God to it. Claim His promise. He has not given you the spirit of fear.

1 Corinthians 10:13 ¹³No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

20.            Do not revert to your old ways. Perhaps you and your spouse are struggling and on the verge of losing everything. You know and "old fling" that you can get some help from. However, the "old fling" wants a "favor" to get the help. Trust God, do not allow the devil to take you backwards.

Galatians 5:1 ¹It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

21.            Do not allow masturbation to ruin your marriage. A pastor friend of mine that has about 3,000 members decided to have a question and answer Bible study with his church. He asked the members to turn in anonymous questions and he would give answer from the Word of God. Surprisingly the most asked question was regarding masturbation. Self gratification is rooted and grounded in lust. Lust is condemned in the Scriptures. Do not allow this activity to destroy your marriage. Allow God to help you.

2 Timothy 2:22 ²²Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the LORD out of a pure heart.

22.            Do not allow others into your "bedroom, " even if it is from across the pulpit. We come to church to hear the Word of God and principles from His Word that will help us to live Christlike lives. But, some churches are more like cults than anything. It is totally improper for a minister to teach on what sexual positions are right or wrong from the pulpit. That is offensive, distasteful and non-biblical (you do not see this done in the Scripture). However, I have seen it done in churches. One church for example, the minister was very graphic across the pulpit about what was and was not proper. Later on it was found out that he was going outside of his marriage and committing adultery with women in the church. The Bible teaches against being immoral, unethical and not doing things illegal (for example, pedophilia , incest, etc.). It also teaches against lust. If a practice is grounded in lust; then obviously God would not be pleased. Be careful bringing the world into your bedroom. God told His people not to practice the sexual practices of the Canaanites. As far as what goes in and out the bedroom; the Scripture is silent, you must seek God for direction.

Leviticus 18:6-25 Contemporary English Version (CEV)[11]

⁶ Don’t have sex with any of your close relatives, ⁷ especially your own mother. This would disgrace your father. ⁸ And don’t disgrace him by having sex with any of his other wives. ⁹ Don’t have sex with your sister or stepsister, whether you grew up together or not. ¹⁰ Don’t disgrace yourself by having sex with your granddaughter ¹¹ or half sister ^12-13 or a sister of your father or mother. ¹⁴ Don’t disgrace your uncle by having sex with his wife. ¹⁵ Don’t have sex with your daughter-in-law ¹⁶ or sister-in-law. ¹⁷ And don’t have sex with the daughter or granddaughter of any woman that you have earlier had sex with. You may be having sex with a relative, and that would make you unclean. ¹⁸ As long as your wife is alive, don’t cause trouble for her by taking one of her sisters as a second wife.

¹⁹ When a woman is having her monthly period, she is unclean, so don’t have sex with her.

²⁰ Don’t have sex with another man’s wife—that would make you unclean.

²¹ Don’t sacrifice your children on the altar fires to the god Molech. I am the Lord your God, and that would disgrace me.

²² It is disgusting for a man to have sex with another man.

²³ Anyone who has sex with an animal is unclean.

²⁴ Don’t make yourselves unclean by any of these disgusting practices of those nations that I am forcing out of the land for you. They made themselves ²⁵ and the land so unclean, that I punished the land because of their sins, and I made it vomit them up.

23.            You and your spouse should come to agreement regarding sex. While it is the duty of each spouse to satisfy the other sexually; there should not be rape (or forced sexual activity in the marriage). We are not ravenous, vicious uncontrolled animals in heat. If a person is that intense and has that much passion; they must remember that a portion of the fruit of the spirit is self control.

Amos 3:3 ³Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

24.            What about if a spouse cannot sexually perform? Perhaps there has been an injury, or erectile dysfunction or perhaps one spouse has sexual abuse in their past and sex they have no desire for sex at all (in which case, abuse is criminal; however, it can not be used as a reason to deny the normal sexual needs of the other spouse). You have the liberty of speaking with your pastor; but, please realize that you can pray to God about EVERYTHING including your sex life.

Isaiah 53:5 ⁵But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.

SPECIAL PRAYER OVER MARRIAGE!

Prayer to receive Jesus!^[12]

No teaching from the Word should be closed out, without giving a person the opportunity to receive Jesus as Lord and Savior:

"Father, I know that I have sinned against You. Please forgive me. Wash me clean. I promise to trust in Jesus, Your Son. I believe that He died for me—He took my sin upon Himself when He died on the cross. I believe that He was raised from the dead. I surrender my life to Jesus today.

"Thank You, Father, for Your gift of forgiveness and eternal life. Please help me to live for you. In Jesus' name, Amen." 

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[1] ©2011 by Biblica, Inc.

[2] 2019 Oxford University Press.

[3] 2019, God's Word Mission Society.

[4] 2019 Oxford University Press.

[5] 2018 Copyright ISV Foundation.

[6] Ibid.

[7] 2019 Oxford University Press.

[8] Ibid.

[9] 1995 by American Bible Society.

[10] © 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation.

[11] 1995 by American Bible Society.

^[12] http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/How+to+Become+a+Christian/. (Accessed, March 2, 2011).